This is such a hard time of year for me. I'm not sure if it's being stuck inside, lack of sunshine, or usually the lack of exercise that does it to me, but I start to crave change. Change in any form. Maybe discontentment would be a better word.
Whatever it is, I have the itch. The itch to paint. To chop off my hair. To redecorate a room. To redo a dresser. To put down the hardwood floor that is in storage just waiting to be done. To move to Colorado. To throw away all of the crap in our house and just have the basics.
The Lord has been teaching me about being at a place of true contentment. He has shown me that there's a place in my mind I run to when I am just plain bored with where we are at instead of seeking Him and desiring Him.
I don't think the Lord desires for us to walk in this boredom. There's just too much of Him to be poured out in new and exciting ways. I do believe it's just that simple.
I just need to actually pursue Him.
I'm not saying that my itch to be creative and to express my creativity in my home is not from the Lord. I don't believe that at all. Joel and I find a lot of joy while we fix up this home together.
But I think my discontentment comes from a place that isn't willing to accept that I could be right where the Lord desires me to be, and that it is truly enough.
When the seemingly mundane tasks of motherhood overwhelm me, I try to look into the little faces staring back at me and remind myself why I have been blessed with these little critters in the first place.
It brings excitement when I think of raising up kids who love the Lord and love people. Like, really love people. I want to teach them to think outside of themselves and see the world through the eyes of Christ. To see what He sees when He looks at people.
It's hard to have that perspective constantly.
But it's necessary if I want to live in a way that is true to our convictions. To our purpose and calling in this world. Nothing boring about that. Sure the ins and outs of the day may appear to be repetitive and slow, but oh, to have children who can walk in such love.
It brings me happiness to dream those dreams. His dreams for my kids.
Sometimes it just stinks that teaching my kids to love others looks a heck of a lot like disciplining them. All. Day. Long.
I had this realization when Elijah was out of control the other day, that if my kids are not taught how to respect others, they will never learn to love others. If their love of themselves and their selfishness is causing them to disobey, how can they ever begin to understand loving someone else?
I know I can't.
When I am so wrapped up in my own life, my own wants and my own desires, it's really hard to look outside of my tunnel vision and see the needs of others.
And, oh, there are so many needs in this world.
So, today I need to quit daydreaming, and get back to the tasks at hand. Today it's playing more, potty training and attitude checks (kids and my own!). All these things become a lot more exciting when there's a bigger picture behind it all.
There is such purpose in the mundane, and if I allow my discontentment to take control, I will miss out. Big time.
"From one man He made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and He determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. God did this so that men would seek Him and perhaps reach out for Him and find Him, though He is not far from each one of us. For in Him we live and move and have our being." -Acts 17:26-28