And since we don't have anything saved up for another one, that means things are tight right now.
I have been looking forward to strawberry season since last year, hoping to make and can strawberry jam all on my own this year.
But when the vehicle went, so did all extra money.
So at the grocery store last week, I bought jars and pectin, all ready to pick strawberries and make some jam!
But throughout the week I felt like I was supposed to return the jars.
I've been processing how I trust God with things in my life, and have been realizing how much I like control.
I know that in reality, His timing is best, but I still like "definite."
I don't like waiting.
I don't like the unknown.
...and I try to make things happen so I don't have to wait.
It's control. I'm willing to surrender and even let someone else make the decision, but I don't enjoy the process.
The process is where growth happens. Where we learn the "why's" instead of just the results.
While the results can be big or small blessings, or not at all what we had hoped for, there's a growing that takes place in us when we are able to surrender our control and wait.
So I let go of the jars.
I returned them and decided to trust.
To trust that trusting the Lord is far better than what I plan.
The next day my mother in law dropped off jelly jars on my back steps.
She knew I had been looking, but she didn't know they were the exact ones I had returned just the day before.
It was as if the Lord had blessed me just to remind me that I can trust Him.
...and that He is faithful.
It doesn't mean that He will always give us what we surrender control of, or what we hope for. But when we choose to let go of something that has a hold on us, He will bless the letting go.
Maybe it will be in the form of freedom. A weight lifted.
Or a little extra cash to save for a car.
Maybe it's to learn discipline in spending.
...or possibly exactly what I had hoped for.
But in surrendering my heart and my actions to the Lord, I was blessed.
Even before the jelly jars were sitting on my back porch, I was blessed.
Peace in my spirit, is a blessing.
The contentment of allowing yourself to not be controlled by your mind, but in living a life that brings life to your heart and your spirit.
That is a blessing.
For whatever reason the Lord had prompted my spirit to put the jars back, I knew that the process of letting go was something I was supposed to do.
He reminded me that if I can let go of something as simple as my jelly jars, how much more can I expect Him to provide a vehicle for our family?
How much more can I trust Him with my dreams, my hopes, my life.
I just need to surrender my control.