Wednesday, January 20, 2010

It's been a while...

I was just looking over my posts from the past few months, and I realized I haven't actually written anything for such a long time (I know both grandparents like their pictures!). I used to love to post on here. I'm excited to have a bit of time this morning before my kids wake up.

Adoption has been on my heart for a while now, but in light of everything going on in Haiti, my heart breaks knowing that there are so many more orphaned children in the world. I have always wanted to adopt children, but lately it has been on my heart more than ever.

This morning I found it strange that my heart would be open to adopting a child right now in our lives. I am finally feeling more like myself for the first time since I found out I was pregnant with Ella. The transition to two children was really hard on me (granted, having a fussy, somewhat colicky baby on top of an over active 16 month old probably had something to do with it). I have really been struggling with the thought of ever adding any more children to our family. This morning I realized that it's more of the selfish part of me that still wants a life outside of our home. I am daily learning how to be more and more selfless, and how painful the journey can be. It's not a journey I don't want to be on, just a hard one.

This morning I read on someones blog that they are trying to find volunteers to go to Haiti. My first response was that I wanted Joel and I to go help these people. However, my kids popped up in my mind next and I realized that, for Joel and I, it wouldn't be healthy for us to drop everything and leave our kids for a few weeks to go help. I realized that I am willing to go and help, but the thought of opening my home for the orphaned and abandoned seemed daunting. Do the same thing I do every day, just add another child??

I know that right now in life, I am supposed to be a mom. I love being a mom, but feel a bit "stuck" at the same time. I was so encouraged by the simple revelation that this is where I'm at in life. Right now it means pouring into these two kiddos. It's a challenge, but also one of my greatest joys. Adoption or even fostering isn't the only way I can help, but for me it's something I feel strongly about. I still need to work through things in my heart, but my heart is beginning to be open to having another child around, but I do hope it's a child who needs a loving home.

(Elijah and Ella are both laying in bed "talking." It's one of those simple joys in my mornings that make me smile )

1 comment:

Bobby and Stacy: said...

I think adoption is a very noble thing in the eyes of the Lord. He see's your heart and is pleased with your desire to share His love! We'll be praying that He shows you the way! Love and miss you guys!!