It's been a while...

I was just looking over my posts from the past few months, and I realized I haven't actually written anything for such a long time (I know both grandparents like their pictures!). I used to love to post on here. I'm excited to have a bit of time this morning before my kids wake up.

Adoption has been on my heart for a while now, but in light of everything going on in Haiti, my heart breaks knowing that there are so many more orphaned children in the world. I have always wanted to adopt children, but lately it has been on my heart more than ever.

This morning I found it strange that my heart would be open to adopting a child right now in our lives. I am finally feeling more like myself for the first time since I found out I was pregnant with Ella. The transition to two children was really hard on me (granted, having a fussy, somewhat colicky baby on top of an over active 16 month old probably had something to do with it). I have really been struggling with the thought of ever adding any more children to our family. This morning I realized that it's more of the selfish part of me that still wants a life outside of our home. I am daily learning how to be more and more selfless, and how painful the journey can be. It's not a journey I don't want to be on, just a hard one.

This morning I read on someones blog that they are trying to find volunteers to go to Haiti. My first response was that I wanted Joel and I to go help these people. However, my kids popped up in my mind next and I realized that, for Joel and I, it wouldn't be healthy for us to drop everything and leave our kids for a few weeks to go help. I realized that I am willing to go and help, but the thought of opening my home for the orphaned and abandoned seemed daunting. Do the same thing I do every day, just add another child??

I know that right now in life, I am supposed to be a mom. I love being a mom, but feel a bit "stuck" at the same time. I was so encouraged by the simple revelation that this is where I'm at in life. Right now it means pouring into these two kiddos. It's a challenge, but also one of my greatest joys. Adoption or even fostering isn't the only way I can help, but for me it's something I feel strongly about. I still need to work through things in my heart, but my heart is beginning to be open to having another child around, but I do hope it's a child who needs a loving home.

(Elijah and Ella are both laying in bed "talking." It's one of those simple joys in my mornings that make me smile )