Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Ugh

I had a conversation with a friend of mine tonight that was encouraging at first, but I walked away feeling really down. We started talking about going home this spring and things that lie ahead of us. I guess I looked forward to going home...I really miss my friends and family, but reality hit me hard when I realized that after this year I may never get to sit an talk with that friend again. It's hard. I finally feel like I'm beginning to understand the plans and goals the Lord has put in my life, and I have also found a friend that I really share these similar goals, passions...lots of things with. There is a support system here, and I am afraid that once it is taken away, I will lose my passion, since I will no longer have this friend who supports me, and encourages me so much.
We talked about friendship in our family groups today. There are those people in life who make it fun, the girls and guys who we can sit and laugh with for hours. The C.S. Lewis book we are reading, The Four Loves, calls people like that "companions." They are definitely wonderful to have in life, but the level of intimacy isn't very deep. Then there are those who share a common goal in life, someone who when talking to them you have a, "What? You too?, " type of response. You have things in common, things that allow you to talk and relate at a deeper level. It is these types of people that Lewis calls "friends." This is what I somewhat meant above. I have found in CS Lewis terms, a “friend.”
I don’t know if any of this makes sense…I guess it’s just been a long night. But I’m beginning to see that I need to start making goals right now, about what I will do when I come back home. I can’t lose this passion I have, and although I don’t think I will, I know myself all too well to understand that it will definitely be a struggle. My friends can’t be who I depend on to keep my passion to achieve my goals, I can only rely on God for that, but it definitely helps to have a support system!To top it off, my laptop died. I turned it on and it said, “Hard drive not found.” Always a great thing to see. I have some guys looking at it, but the warranty is up, and it’s only 1 ½ yrs old. It shouldn’t die yet! I have all my notes and papers on it, but thankfully procrastinating has paid off for once. I haven’t started any of the homework due next week, so I didn’t have to redo any of that…I’m trying to look on the bright side.

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