Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Rolling With It

I have a hard time adjusting to schedule changes. I know it's an area I need to work on, but I love the feeling of being "in control" over my daily schedule...or all areas of my life? HA. I love knowing that when my kids go down for a nap, I have time for myself and some days, especially the rough days, I count down the hours until nap time (as I'm sure other moms do as well). I hate how snappy I get at my kids. I need to let go and ask the Lord for grace and patience during those moments, and I need to surrender my control and learn to just lean on the Lord and his grace for my kids. I was listening to both of my kids not napping today, and feeling myself getting more and more frustrated. Yuck. I don't like that about myself...I wish I were better at "rolling with it."

I'm not sure why I like to have control. I guess it's human nature, but you'd think by now I'd have learned that my way isn't best. That is the battle, isn't it? I haven't been so great at realizing my weakness in the moment, but regretting it later. I hope I can catch myself in the moment more often and ask the Lord for patience. Or I guess I should pray that the Lord gives me patience in the morning and that he'll continue to be my strength throughout the day.

I think part of my frustrations come from my lack of desire/motivation to do ANYTHING lately. Pregnancy probably has something to do with it, and the exhaustion from being on dramamine 24/7. BUT I want to enjoy this pregnancy and not be taken over by the hormones and the changes that affect my body. I don't accomplish much during the day, and in my mind I "think" that I can get things done once the kids are in bed, but reality is I get absolutely nothing done while they are napping...and that's nobody's fault but my own. Today I actually got a lot accomplished while my kids were awake and I was able to spend nap time being lazy :)

These are probably a bunch of ramblings...but just my thoughts today. Elijah's awake and today I'm glad he didn't nap. He stayed in his room for almost an hour and a half, entertaining himself. At least he'll go to bed early, right?

I love my kids. A lot. I don't always struggle with patience towards them, because really, they can be a lot of fun and very enjoyable...I love being around them.

I'm trying to work through the decision of homeschooling or sending them to public school. I think I've shared my thoughts on this before, but as I'm starting to look into preschools for Elijah, I start to wonder if I should keep him home. I get torn, because he is a social little boy, and loves to be around others. I think he would do very well in school. My struggle is, that kids are only little for so long. I want my kids to have a childhood that doesn't revolve around school. I'd love if we could do school in the mornings and give him time to play in the afternoons...even through elementary school. I love the idea of creating a learning plan for him that suits him, and I love the idea of one on one education.

I know the decision really doesn't need to be made yet, because preschool isn't a huge commitment, but we need to decide if it's best for Elijah. I say "I" mostly, because neither Joel nor I feel one way or the other, and he knows the decision is mostly going to affect my daily life. Selfishly I would LOVE a few mornings a week this fall to just have Ella and the baby alone. But I just don't know.

I don't want to home school to "shelter" my kids from the real world. We both feel strongly that we should teach and train our kids in our home and be involved in their lives as much as possible while they are at home, and that they should be a light to others in the schools. Jesus would have hung out with the unbelievers, so shouldn't we teach our kids to love and make friends with them as well? Joel and I both had great public school experiences, and so that pushes us in that direction.

For now I'll tour the pre-school and we'll start there. Just a few thoughts for today. Elijah's hanging on me now, so I should go. I guess this won't be proof -read, so sorry for the errors.

No comments: